Is and Isn't
by la Belle Luna Claire
Summary: Not everything is as it seems while Edward is of sulking in Rio. There are more mysterious things than vampires and werewolves in the world, and one of them has been watching Edward's life since she was very small. Set during New Moon.
1. Angel

Summary – Edward is sulking on a street on a rainy day in Rio when an angel comes to him. Set during New Moon.

A/N – I'm not entirely sure where this came from, but I liked the idea, so I decided to write it down. The first chapter might seem a little dragging, but I think that you'll enjoy the next chapter, when I get the chance to post it. I'm grounded right now, so it might be a few days. Oh, and if you like this and the TV show CSI:NY, then check out my other story. You might enjoy it. So, here it is. Enjoy! (Disclaimer on profile.)

I sat, almost unmoving, against a building on the nearly vacant streets of Rio de Janeiro. Dark clouds were covering the sky and it had started raining. It reminded me of _her_, the angel who's name I could not think without sending the harsh pain throughout my chest, making my dead heart throb. I'd heard the expression "a broken heart" before, but didn't understand until I left the love my life – no, my _existence_ – back in that rainy, inconsequential little town that would always be my true home. I had lied to her that day that I left, and I saw in her eyes that she believed what I was saying. My heart hadn't quit hurting since then.

I sighed pitifully.

_My Bella_.

I loved her, and I missed her so much that it hurt. Maybe I could visit her, just pop in to see how she was doing? That wouldn't be so horrible of me, would it? If it was only to see that she was happy…

No, I told myself. If I went back to Forks, I wouldn't be able to leave again. I loved my angel too much to damn her that way I was. She was beautiful, pure, warm, and loving; everything that I was not, that I could never be.

The rain started picking up more. She would hate this weather, if she were here. I remembered how much she disliked the light drizzled and constant clouds of Washington State. This downpour would probably be even worse than that for her. Though, I recalled, she seemed to have started enjoying the rain more and more the longer she stayed in Forks. Maybe she wouldn't mind the storm that was hitting this area. I never could know exactly what she was thinking…

The pain was throbbing through my chest again. I wished that I could simply not think about her, but at the same time, she was everything to me. She made the first hundred-and-eight years of my life seem pointless. Utterly pointless.

Searching desperately for an escape, I listened outward with my mind, hoping to catch some of the pointless Portuguese chatter of the local people.

"_Leave me alone, Carlos! I don't want to hear your voice right now!" _a girl of about nineteen or twenty yelled in Portuguese to a boy of the same age a few buildings away from where I sat. She was angry with him over something that I couldn't quite get from her hysterical mind.

"_Ana! I didn't do it! I swear! I only love you!"_ the boy, Carlos, yelled back. In his mind, I could see that he was lying. The girl had found out that he was cheating on her and he was trying to convince her that it wasn't true.

Quickly, I searched for another mind, one that wasn't concerned with love. There was a young boy that wanted his mother to raise his allowance, a teenage girl that was yelling at her parents through her bedroom door because they had grounded her for missing curfew again, a mother and father trying to console their sick child, and a girl of about twelve sitting on her bed, hugging her pillow, wishing that her mother, whom had just died, was with her.

Only the last was one I could relate to. That young girl and I were in a similar position. We had both lost someone that we loved dearly. The only difference was that the girl – Gabby, I realized as I saw the hand-painted sign hanging on her wall – could never see her mother again. Her mother was dead, gone forever, and would never return to embrace her daughter. My Bella was not dead. I had left her, but I had done so to keep her from death. The girl had more reason to grieve, and I did not. I had chosen to leave, so I shouldn't walk around like someone had died.

But it felt like someone had died. It felt like _I_ had died. I had died physically in 1918, but I had died mentally a few months ago, when I left my angel, my Bella.

I pulled myself away from the mourning girl. Her pain was having the opposite affect that I had hoped. Instead of distracting me from the heartbreak, it was making it painfully obvious.

If I could cry, I would have been.

I heard footsteps walking down the street. I wondered apathetically who would be outside in when it was raining like it was, but I quickly ignored it.

The footsteps stopped suddenly in front of me. I didn't look up, thinking that whoever it was, they were only stopping to stare at the strange person sitting outside in the rain when everyone else was inside with their families.

I expected the person to leave after a few seconds, and was surprised when they didn't. I considered looking up, but decided not to.

Then I realized that I couldn't hear the thoughts of the person standing just a few feet away. I stiffened, not believing that my angel was here.

There was a light laugh and a girl's voice said, "What are you doing out here in the rain, Edward?"

My head shot up quickly, and I was starring at an angel, a gorgeous brunette with chocolate brown eyes.

"Bella?" I gasped.


	2. Isy, Not Bella

A/N: I was a little sad that I only got one review, but that's alright! I'll just keep writing and maybe more people will read. I hope you all like this next chapter. I might change the end, but I'm not sure. I think that this is going to be a short fic, but I enjoy writing it. As always, enjoy!

Last time: _"Bella?" I gasped._

Bella laughed again. "No," she said. "Close, but not quite."

No? How could she not be my Bella? She looked like my Bella and sounded like my Bella and I couldn't hear her thoughts like my Bella, but she said that she wasn't Bella.

"My name is Isabella," she continued. "But everyone calls me –"

"Bella," I finished for her. "I know who you are. You're my Bella." Even I could hear the desperation in my voice.

"No," she said. Calmly but firmly. "My name is Isabella and I go by Isy. Now what are you doing out here in the rain, Edward?" Her voice reminded me of a parent scolding a child.

I stared blankly at her, this girl that looked like my Bella yet claimed she was not. This must be a trick. Bella was playing a trick on me. Or my mind. Maybe I had gone insane. I didn't even know if vampires _could_ go insane, but I must have.

She sighed, obviously waiting for me to respond. She extended her hand to help me up and I took it automatically, though I didn't need help. I noticed that she was holding an umbrella at the same time that I realized that the rain was no longer hitting my hair and face.

The girl named Isy smiled at me as she "helped" me up. As she did so, I inhaled her scent. It was not the fiery fragrance that had tempted me so when I was with Bella. It wasn't her.

My dead heart seemed to break all over again.

She dropped my hand and repositioned the umbrella, raising to make up of our height difference.

"Come on, Edward," she said, grabbing my hand again and pulling me along.

"Who are you?" I asked Isy. "How do you know my name?"

"I already told you. My name is Isy," she said in a slightly exasperated tone. "I'll tell you the rest when we get home."

"Home?" I asked dumbly.

"Well, it's not really a _home_ as it is place that I stay that has four walls and a roof. I don't really have a home, per se. Just houses." She sighed with what I could only guess was sorrow or disappointment. Her thoughts were just as silent as Bella's. "Anyway, we're just a couple of blocks away."

As we walked, it continued to rain harder, pelting the buildings, roads, and the umbrella with great force. I was surprised that Isy could keep the umbrella from flying out of her hands.

She turned right, crossing the street quickly though there were no cars coming. She reached over low wooden gates that decorated one of the pathways that lead to a faded red house that looked more like a shake than an actual house. She opened the gate and began walking up the path to the house until we reached the covered porch. Isy shook the water off the umbrella and closed it, reaching into her pocket for a little silver key. She unlocked the door and pushed it over, letting me walk in first.

The house was small and warm, with red walls, old, off-white furniture, a honey-colored coffee table and a small dining table with three chairs made from the same type of wood. There was a tiny kitchenette that was separated from the rest of the living space by a bar with two stools. A claustrophobic hallway led to two doors on either side, one I assumed was a bedroom and the other a bathroom.

"Well, don't just stand there," Isy said, tossing a towel that was hanging on a peg at me, closing the door quickly. "Towel off. I know you can't catch a cold and all, but you shouldn't be walking around in wet clothes. Plus, you're going to drip water on my carpet," she added, looking down at the floor where there were already dark spots from the water dripping from my clothes.

"Sorry," I murmured. I ran the towel through my hair, letting g my eyes sweep over the room again. This time a small bundle of light colored fabric sitting on the arm of the cramped three-person couch.

Isy walked over to the kitchenette and started rummaging through the cabinet.

"Oh, I got those for you," she said, pointing at the neatly folded clothes. "I'm fairly certain that they're the right size. The bathroom's down the hall, on the left."

Numbly, I grabbed the clothes and walked to the bathroom. Like everything else in this house, it was very small. It made me think of our house in Forks, how big it was. My room back home was bigger than this whole house.

Quickly, I undressed and dried off before putting the new clothes on. They were a white, button-up, long-sleeved shirt and white-washed blue jeans, much like the type of clothes I might have worn back home.

God, I must be some sort of masochist. Thinking about Bella just made everything worse, and I couldn't think about Forks or home without thinking that Bella was still there. Maybe she had said yes to someone, just like I had always known was best for her. What if it was Mike Newton or Tyler Crowley? I never did have the patience for those two. But, then again, she didn't ever seem to, either. She didn't seem to pay attention to the boys at Forks High. No one at all, though every boy there wanted her. She didn't want any of them.

Except me.

I groaned. Why did I keep doing this to myself? Before I could think of Bella and the big white house by the river, I walked back into the main room.

"Hey, you can put your shoes next to the heater so they dry", Isy said, leaning on the countertop of the kitchenette as I walked into the living room. "I should have thought to get a pair of new shoe, too, but I didn't think about it."

I did like she said, putting my once expensive-looking designer shoes by the heater. I hadn't put much effort into taking care of my belongings since I left Forks. All I had with me were the clothes on my back and my pain.

Isy smiled at me as a kettle that was sitting on the small stovetop began to whistle. "Tea?" she asked politely.

"Er…" I didn't want to be rude, but I really didn't want to drink that disgusting human beverage. I had never really cared for it when I was human, anyway.

She smiled at me. "It's okay. I only asked to be polite. You don't have to have any." She pulled one coffee mug down from one of the cabinet, poured some of the hot water in it, and put a tea bag inside. She walked around the bar and sat down on the couch, curling up by the arm. She gestured to the other side of the couch. "Sit down. Ask your questions," she said. "I know you have a lot of them." She smiled, and I started noticing small differences between her and Bella. Her hair didn't have any red in it and her eyes didn't have quite the depth to them. Her lips were more balanced and her cheek bones were slightly closer together, making her face less heart-shaped and more oval. Still, the resemblance was shocking.

"So what do you want to know?" she asked, still smiling.

I took a deep breath, pushing Bella, temporarily, from my mind. "Who are you? How do you know who I am?"

Her smiled grew. "My name is Isabella Amélie Little and I know everything about you Edward."

"_How?_" I asked.

"Because I can see things that no one else can," she said. "I can see the world, perfectly and clearly. And I can especially see you and the mistakes you've made."


	3. Seeing More Than Everyone Else

**A/N: So this is the third chapter (duh!). Not much to say, really. If you've read my other story Found At Twilight: Fictional Character?, then please don't kill me for not updating in so long. I've had school, been sick and have bad writer's block. I'll be getting back to it soon. Anyway, I might be ending this fic soon, so tell me what you think.**

Wait! What did she just say? What did that mean, she could see the world and mistakes I've made? Who was this girl?

Isy smiled at me in a sweet way. "I've been able to see the past, present and future ever since I was born," she said. "For some reason, I've always seen you clearly. Some of my first memories were of you." She smiled at me again. "I saw when you moved from Alaska to Washington and when you first met your Bella. I knew that you were going to fall in love with her even before you did. I saw you leave Bella to keep her safe." Her expression shifted to nearly a glare. "For such a smart person, you sure didn't think this one through very far, did you? I mean, I'm all for individuals thinking for themselves, but that was really dumb of you. You do realize that you hurt her, don't you?"

My heart seemed to crumble again at the mention of Bella. "That's how you knew to be here in Rio, isn't it?" I asked her, trying to hold myself together and ignore that last remark about hurting Bella.

"Of course," she said in very matter-of-factly. "I saw you in Rio a long time ago, so I bought a house here. I have several houses all over the world."

_Huh_, I thought. Her power was very unique. And she was only a human, so that made her even more unique. Most vampires didn't have powers so defined. "So you know… about me and my family?" I asked.

"Yes, I know that you're vampires. I've always known, ever since I was a little girl. But don't worry. I won't hold it against you." She smiled again. She had a nice smile. One that reminded me of Bella.

"What else can you see?" I asked, curious about her power and wanting to keep myself from thinking about Bella.

"Oh, I can see a lot of things," she said dismissively. "People, weather, things like that. I see a lot, but the only person that I continually see is you, Edward. I'm not sure why that is, but the fact that I do might have something to do with why I look so much like your Bella. I mean, we even share the same first name. And you can't hear my thoughts," she added smugly. "I've always thought that it would be ultra annoying to be around someone that could hear every one of your thoughts, so it's nice to know that you can't hear mine."

I laughed a startled laugh. "You sound exactly like Bella."

"Yeah, I figured that out a long time ago. You know, before I saw you too getting together, I saw her once," Isy said. "It was one of those shots of the present. It was when we were fourteen. She was just starting high school. She didn't have any friends and she was miserable that morning. She tried to get Renéeto let her stay home because she knew that there wouldn't be anyone to sit with at lunch and that she wouldn't have any friends waiting to catch up on what happened over summer vacation. It was kind of sad, really. I always had friends growing up, but people started realizing that I wasn't quite… _normal_ and that's when I went into homeschooling. At the time, though, I was still relatively popular, so I thought it was very sad that the poor girl didn't have any friends. Later, of course, I saw that the two of you would end up together, so I knew that the awkward girl that I had seen would have to perfect person to take care away. She was kind of a klutz, and I know that she hasn't grown out of it."

I could barely speak. She knew _everything_! It seemed impossible that a human – a young human, at that – had such a powerful ability. It would put most vampires with similar powers to shame. It would defiantly put Alice to shame.

I looked at Isy. A confused, yet far away, look suddenly crossed her face.

"God, what the hell are you going to do _now_?" she muttered to herself, her eyes darting all over the place, watching something I couldn't see.

"Let's see, who all's involved in _this_ little fiasco? Huh. Figures. Why did he have to tell her that? What the… No!" she suddenly shouted. "What do you think you're doing?!"

I watched Isy carefully, trying to figure out what was going on in her vision.

"Yes, yes, good, go in after her," she said to someone that could not see or hear her. "You _were_ the one to give her the stupid idea in the first place. It's only right you help her out. Oh, better watch out, Jake. Look out to sea. You'd better get her out fast or else you're _both_ goners. Okay, make sure she's alright and get her back home. Good, everything's going to be fine." Isy's blank eyes suddenly refocused on her surroundings and she smiled at me.

"Sorry about that," she apologized. "Sometimes things just pop up."

"What was the vision about?" I asked, not used to having to ask for such information, usually being able to pick it straight from the source.

"Oh, nothing," she said lightly. "Just a girl that I've been keeping tabs on. She's been getting into a bit of trouble for the past few months."

Even as she said it, I knew that she was keeping something from me.

"What kind of trouble?" I asked, working on sounding barely interested.

"Nothing much," she said, still in a very light, carefree voice. "She's just been doing some stupid things that she know that she shouldn't be. Her boyfriend broke up with her and she's been a little depressed – and, honestly, a little crazy – ever since. Luckily, she has a friend that's been helping her for the past few weeks. He's a sweetheart that's crazy about her, but he's just a friend to her. Who knows? Maybe everything will work out. Until it does, that boy had better take care of her, or else I might just have to fly over to them and knock some since into that girl before she does something _really_ stupid."

_She_ obviously had some strong feelings about this situation.

"Why do you care so much?" I asked. "I mean, you don't know these people. Why do you care so much about their wellbeing?"

She looked at me and cocked her head to the side. "I know you, don't I?"

"Yes, but you just actually met me today," I reminded her. "You've only seen me in visions. And how many people do you actually met that you've seen in visions?"

She thought about it for a second. "Five or so, including you. And, to me, I _do_ know then. I see then and I get to know how they act and behave. Like I know you're prone to overreacting and you have extreme emotion swings. I know things about people that they wouldn't want their friends to know about them, and _I_ know it. I know _them_. So of course I care. Why wouldn't I?"

Wow, she so caring and innocent. She was like Bella, but she wasn't. She was her own person.

Isy looked over my shoulder, where the rain had quieted into a softer drizzle. "Looks like the rain is going to be stopping right after the sun sets."

"So what happens now?" I asked.

She smiled again. "I think that you've got a lot to think about, Edward. I've told you everything that you need to know. Now you have to figure out what to do with the information."

She was right. I certainly did have a lot to think about. I stood up fluidly, walking automatically over to the heater to grab my shoes. I put them on quickly and walked over to the door. With my hand frozen on the doorknob, I suddenly said, "Hey, Isy? That girl, the one you were keeping tabs on? What's going to happen to her?"

Though I had not turned around, I could tell that she would be smiling her big sweet smile. "I have a feeling that everything's going to work out alright. I think that her ex might even realize that he was wrong on breaking up with. I don't know. I'm just going to have to wait and see."

I nodded, hoping that was true. Everyone should get their happily ever after. "Thanks, Isy," I said, putting as much emotion as I could into the words. "You've helped me out a lot today. I wish that there was some way I could repay you."

She laughed. "No need. Just knowing that I helped is payment enough. No don't screw it up. Remember, I'll know, and I'll have to find you and put it right."

I didn't think that she was joking, either.

"And, Edward, whatever you do, think before you act. It will seriously help you. Trust me," she said, right before I left, walking into the light rain that reminded me so much of home. She was right about one thing; I had a lot to think about.

**Yeah, so tell me what you think! I've been a little disappointed that I've only gotten one review for this story, 'cus I kinda like it. Anyway, there are two different ways I could end this story; one way, I could end it all within the next two chapters and the story stops. The other means a lot more drama and fun for me. Please, please, please tell me what you think! I need you guys to tell me what you think! Just hit that button down there and type a few words! It's not hard! Promise!**


	4. Phone Call

**A/N: I decided that I would go with the longer of the two choices. **_**I**_** like this story, even if no one else does, so I'm gonna keep writing, dammit! Anyway, this is sort of like the extra for New Moon that Stephenie Meyer wrote and posted on her website. The only difference is that Edward is in a much better mood and state of mind, and he's thinking about what would be best for **_**both**_**, himself and Bella. Other than that, it's very similar. So, yeah, enjoy! If you have any questions, just put it in a review. That's the best chance you've got of me noticing.**

**Disclaimer: I figured that since I made this chapter so similar to the extra by Stephenie Meyer that I might want to make a disclaimer just this once. I don't own Twilight or the phone conversation between Edward and Jacob at the end of the chapter. They belong to our favorite Steph.**

Even with all of the extra space I have over humans to think, my head seemed to be spinning. Was it worth it to go back to Forks if what Isy said was true? What if Bella was suffering as much as I was? I could rationalize making myself miserable, but if I was hurting Bella, then wasn't everything I was doing pointless? Sure, I was trying to help her, but what if she didn't want to be helped? What if my "helping" her was only hurting her more? Then wouldn't it be best for everyone if I went back and made up with Bella?

Just then my phone rang. It had rung many times since I had left Isy's house over twenty-four hours ago, but I hadn't picked it up. If it were anyone important, they would find a better way of getting a hold of me rather than just continually calling. Most everyone in my family knew that it would only annoy me.

I continued thinking about my Bella. I wished that I was in Forks right now, with her. I could hold her in my arms and feel her warmth, smell her fiery scent that let me know that she was alright. That would make everything better.

Finally, after the phone had rung for the twentieth time, I looked at the number with shock.

Why was _Rosalie_ calling me? God, it _must_ be important if _Rosalie_ was the one calling. Maybe there was something wrong that required my assistance and I was sitting here ignoring the call!

"Hello?" I asked into my cell phone, waiting for the news that was so important that Rosalie had to call me for.

"Oh, wow, he actually picked up. About damn time, too. I've been calling all day," Rosalie said in her usual tone of voice.

There wasn't anything wrong. She was just bored. "What do you _want_, Rosalie?" I asked rudely.

"That's some way to talk to your own sister," she said in a cold voice, trying to match my distaste. "And I want you to know that this little game of yours has gone on long enough. It's time you just came home, Edward."

I almost found it funny that the first time someone from my family called to tell me that I needed to come home was right after I started thinking about the same thing. Huh. Maybe Alice had seen my weakening will.

"Listen," Rosalie continued. "You've been acting like a selfish jerk. You've hurt everyone involved in this stupid little stunt you've pulled! Esme is always sad, Carlisle is never home, Emmett doesn't laugh anymore! And Alice is just walking around like nothing's happened because she's sure that you're going to come to your senses any day now, but it's been months and nothing's gotten any better and it's all your fault! Did you know that Jasper can barely stand to be in the same room with any of us anymore? There too many negative emotions swirling around! Come home, Edward! Stop being so selfish!"

I laughed. I had too. "That's rich, coming from _you_, Rosalie," I told her, still laughing.

"I'm not being selfish!" she yelled back, clearly offended. "I'm trying to help my family, unlike you!"

"What else do you want, Rosalie? I don't you didn't just call me to be a hypocrite, so spill it."

There was a pause. "Um, right. Don't over react, alright?"

"What is it, Rosalie?" I asked, somewhat nervous now.

"Well, Alice is back in Forks," she said quickly.

It was mine turn to pause. "What?" I asked, my voice expressionless.

"Yeah, she went back to Forks. But she's not really breaking your rules."

"I don't understand what you mean, Rosalie," I said, still emotionless.

"You only said that we couldn't go back while Bella was there. Well, Bella's not there anymore, so it's not a problem." Something was off about her voice.

So Bella had gone to live with her mother in Florida. I guess that it was what she had felt was necessary after having her heart broken. Maybe she had found someone else and had begun healing after the whole ordeal. Maybe she was trying to forget me. I wouldn't blame her.

"What's the problem, then, Rose?" I asked. She sounded so strange. She had to be hiding something. "Just because Bella's gone off somewhere else? That's what I wanted for her."

Another pause. "Edward," she said slowly. "Edward, Bella didn't leave Forks."

"But you said that she wasn't there," I contradicted.

"Edward, Bella's dead. She killed herself yesterday."

And my world came crashing down around me as she said those words.

"Edward?" Rosalie asked. "Edward? Are you still there?"

I hung up on her quickly and dialed that number that would give me the truth. If she picked up, I would hang up and know that I could never trust Rosalie again. If she didn't and she really was _dead_… I didn't know what I would do, but I would think of something. I would not – could not – live in a world without my Bella.

"Swan Residence," a husky young male's voice asked.

Thinking quickly, I said, perfectly imitating Carlisle's voice, "This is Dr. Carlisle Cullen. May I please speak to Charlie?"

"He's not here," the voice very nearly growled, surprising me.

"Well, where is he then?" I demanded impatiently, so unlike Carlisle.

There was a pause before the boy said, "He's at the funeral."

And that was all I had to hear. I closed my phone. I knew what I had to do.

**Next chapter; Edward goes to Italy! Yay! No, but seriously, he's going to Italy next to ask our favorite "bad vamps" to kill him. Oh, and please review! It will only take a minute and make this little writer **_**very**_** happy!**


	5. Flight

**A/N: OMG! She's alive! Yes, I know, I'm sorry! It's been forever since I updated… ANYTHING! So far my life has been one stupid twist after another! I won't get into it here, but I hope that anyone reading this will forgive me. I think that it might be shorter than some of the other chapters, but I might be wrong. Anyways, I hope you enjoy this chapter.**

_Flight_

I was waiting impatiently as the plane was starting to gain altitude. If I had been human, I probably would have been crying, but, as it was, to the outside world, I just looked upset and flustered.

Not that I didn't have a good reason to look that way. I doubt that anyone would blame me for my mood if they knew what I had just learned.

As soon as I had heard the boy on the other end of the phone, my plan was made. I dumped my phone; I didn't want Alice or Emmett or, God forbid, Esme trying to track me down. Of course, Alice would have seen me going away to Italy as soon as I had made the decision to do so. She wouldn't get there in time to do any good, though. Even with her extra sense, I had a head start.

Several people eyed me nervously, but no one made a move to say anything to me. I probably looked like someone that was going to freak out at any minute. Maybe I was.

My dead heart seemed to have shattered with that phone call. It was gone, disappeared; the only reason for living, dead.

And it was entirely my fault.

If I had never left, if I had just given in when she begged, she wouldn't have killed herself. She would be with me, right now, in my arms. She would be blushing and her heart would be beating and she would be safe and alright. She would be alive. She was willing to pack up everything she loved and follow me when we left. She would have done anything for me, and yet I did nothing for her. I told her that I didn't love her and that I didn't want her. I broke her heart just as badly as I broke my own.

I had obviously underestimated how much she cared. I was blind to the fact that anyone as perfect as my Bella could love anyone like me, a killer, a monster, a vampire. She was a deeply in love with me as I was with her. It was a love that couldn't be broken with time or distance. It was a love that would last even when we both ceased to exist.

I had know a year ago what I would do if anything ever happened to Bella; of _course_ I would find a way to die. Fortunately, I had never had to use to use those plans. Now, I was less fortunate. Bella was really gone. She had not been murdered. There was no one that I would be able to take my anger and sorrow out on rightfully; just myself.

I closed my eyes and took in a deep breath, thinking of Bella, her face, her eyes, her smile… even her scent would be welcome right now. Anything to tell me that Rosalie had lied or didn't know what she was talking about would be welcome. I would walk across Hell and back, just to have Bella back in my arms right now.

Being on the plane reminded me of that day last spring when I was flying to Phoenix to meet up with Bella. All I wanted was to see my Bella, safe and sound, and to have her in my arms, where I could hold her make sure that nothing bad even happened to her.

I spent the entire plane ride wondering how I would ask Aro, Caius, and Markus to kill me. It was safer, less painful, than thinking of Bella. Unfortunately, I couldn't keep the thoughts away completely.

How could she do something like that? How could she do that to her friends and Charlie? How could she do that to me my family? How could she do that to me? How could she have believed me when I told her that I didn't love her? How could she kill herself? Why would she? I had never thought of her just giving up on life; she had so much to live for. She was human, soft and pure. She could have anyone she wanted. Had I really hurt her so badly that she found taking her own life the best option?

I had broken all the rules by falling for her. Had I never engaged in my feelings for her, if I'd had the strength to stay away from her, she would have never fallen for me as I had for her. It was wrong of me to pull her into my world like I had.

I moved my thoughts back to the Volturi. From what I had seen in Carlisle's mind, I knew that they would not want to anger him. I was his son, and they wouldn't want to make an enemy of him. I also knew that they were very protective over their secrecy and their city. If any vampire dared make a move in Volterra, they would be shot down so fast that they wouldn't know what hit them. The Volturi wouldn't care about angering an old friend if it meant protecting the secret.

Yes, that would have to be my course of action if I truly wanted to die. But how to do it? I could throw a car through a building, or break something in half, or hunt within the walls of the city. Any one of those thing would bring the Volturi down on me within seconds. Of course, that would be if they told me that they wouldn't kill me. I wished that I had Alice here to tell me what they would say so I could make a plan before hand. Then again, if Alice knew what I was planning (which she most likely did), she would probably kill me herself.

I sighed lightly, wishing for the one thing that I loved more than anything else; my Bella. She had killed herself because of me, because I left her. I broke her heart just as surely as I broke my own. The only difference was that I _chose_ to have a broken heart. Bella did not. She didn't deserve the pain that I had put her through. She deserved something so much better, some_one_ so much better. And now she was dead, and it was all my fault. If I hadn't left her, if I hadn't lied to her, if I hadn't fought with her on the subject of her mortality, if I had never pursued her, if I had left that first day and never returned… my Bella would still be alive. She would have been spared from the terrible pain that I inflicted on her over and over again. She could grow old and have a human husband that loved her with human children that she adored. She would have died happy, the way she was supposed to before a cruel fate pushed the two of us together, made up fall in love. Now I would never see her blush or smile, never hear her beautiful voice or see her gorgeous face. I would never get another chance to try to decipher her silent thoughts.

I wondered idly about the girl named Isy, the girl who looked so much like my Bella. She was so much more powerful than Alice. I wondered how it was that Alice could see Bella's death and yet Isy could not. She looked so much like Bella. They even shared the same first name. Isabella. I hoped that I would never have to hear that name again in the short amount of time that I planned on having left in this world. It sent a wave of pain through my chest.

This was going to be a long flight.

**A/N: The next chapter will skip to actually being inside the Volturi's domain, because I'm lazy and I don't really know where to go from here. The whole story should be wrapped up within the next few chapters, but I'm also currently working on some tie-in stories that involve the mysterious Isy. Please review!**


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